I'm left with a few thoughts after the conversation: (Background: I've been thinking about the "Death of a Vision" concept I summarized a year and a half ago.) It's really, really hard for me to hold visions for years. I tend to either want to see them fulfilled Now! (being the patient guy I am) or else deaden my heart to the desire. It's hard to interact with past disappointments in an intelligent proactive way. When I have limited opportunities to make progress toward my dreams, I tend to shy away for fear of additional disappointment. (I'm also tempted to simply demand "Give me! I've earned it.")
Neither approach is how I'd counsel someone else to approach a long term goal, but it's strange how hard it is for me to implement the small steps that I'd give to someone else. It's hard to even seriously pray for them. As Solomon wrote, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick."
The struggle with renewed disappointments makes me think about how tenaciously people cling to certain ideas:
- "He loves me" even when everyone else sees how poor the relationship is.
- "She must be the one" when dating for the first time in five years and rapidly approaching the age of 30.
- Convincing older people to go to Jesus after they've been disappointed by church time after time.
- And so on
1 comment:
"dating for the first time in five years and rapidly approaching the age of 30" ... I can relate to that one, and the associated temptations. But FWIW, the 5 years prior to dating certainly felt much like what you're describing too... there's no guarantee that God will bring all the fulfillment and happiness you want but he is trustworthy.
I'm reading A Chance To Die right now and finding it pretty amazing on these topics. Also, my friend Erin just spent a few days with her old college roommate, who's brother just unexpectedly and tragically died. She found this quote from Larry Crabb encouraging: "Ask God the hardest questions you can think of. But don't expect answers. Expect to encounter God."
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