Abysses & Maxim

I was recently told that my blog entries have been getting long, so I'm going to reduce that today by using diminutive words and other people's words. Specifically, several of my friends have brought up the ladder theory recently. (It is well worth reading, especially for the abyss.) For balance - or at least additional cannon fodder - there is also the Southern Belle and this reposted excerpt from Maxim. Isn't that the shortest 5,000 words you ever read?

<tangent>Regarding the Southern Belle, it reminds me of a story a young - mid-30s, didn't know not to actually be real with people yet - pastor told me about his wife. She was rather...well, outspoken, and often struggled to reconcile her personality with the more stereotypical conservative Christian woman. Ironically, her outspoken personality deeply attracted the pastor to her. I don't know why that story has stuck with me, but it often reminds me that God looks at the heart, and that wisdoms leads to caution in associating certain behaviors with a certain heart.</tangent>

I'm ambivalent as to whether I actually think the ladder theory is true. Aside from some fascinating psychological-sociological implications, I'm not sure it matters. I do think it is often functionally and operationally true. I do think it and the Maxim post highlight what Christian character implies.

My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. Suppose a beautiful woman comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a homely woman in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the woman wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the other, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

Ah favoritism. I think most guys (all but the most incompetent or evil) are usually graciously friendly toward objects of affection. The smarter guys are also friendly toward objects' friends too. But fundamentally it is a self-serving kindness: I am kind in order to convince her that I am cool so that she will like me. Often, there is not a genuine brotherly concern about the wellbeing (spiritual or otherwise) of sisters who are "just friends".

For the record, I don't see lack of favoritism implying a guy's female friendships will look identical - or even similar. The connection depth depends on a many factors, including personality and baggage. Friendships have lives of their own. But I do think lacking favoritism means a genuine concern for sisters' spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Closely related favoritism is the question interests: Whose interests is "Frank" most looking out for when he pursues a woman? Hers, or his? Does his love mean he really wants to know whether or not she would be better off without him? (Either single or with someone else?) If Frank knew, would he honor God's will and desist in trying to make the relationship happen? Can he be genuinely supportive of her pursuing another guy?

(And no, I don't think an others-interest implies a lack of care or concern about Frank's own interests. Frank expecting to benefit from a relationship is not bad - relationships are intended to be a joy.)<tangent>Frank, I recently discovered, is the name of a friend's car. Any implied character slur against Frank is deeply regretted.</tangent>