"You Idiot" & Other Ways to Win an Argument

So I ended up in a discussion recently with a few friends over some passage in scripture. The discussion went something like this:

Me: So I was thinking recently about the passage of Daniel in the Lion's Den.
Friend: I don't recall that passage.

Me: Well, it's where this good guy - Daniel - ends up being thrown to a den of hungry lions and God sends an angel to make sure Daniel doesn't get eaten. Then the bad guys get thrown to the lions and they die. Gory.
Friend: Oh yes, I remember that story. I recall becoming a vegetarian as a result of that passage.

Me: Huh? How so?
Friend: Well, clearly...

Me: What? That's not at all what it means.

(Ok, I think I was quick enough to not actually verbalize that last comment.) But I've been thinking about where my friend is coming from - and not just why I disagree, but whether or not there's a point to disagreement.

It's hard to argue with people who have a totally different paradigm - not just a lack of knowledge - but an actively different worldview. The problem is that simply rehashing the story of Daniel & the Lion's Den a dozen times won't lead my friend or I to different conclusions. And because there's so little common ground, there's no way to prove myself right. And I am right, of course. j/k. I wonder if Paul had this issue in mind when he wrote to Timothy

Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth...

With frightfully ease, I often see winning the argument as being more important than the means used to win the issue. Paul, ironically, while mentioning the need to competently hold one's own, focuses on the issues of the interaction: Kind, not resentful, gentle, hopeful, patient.

I also think we focus way too easily on the visible disagreements - say issue L, for lion's den. But in reality, my friend's view on understanding L is shaped by his beliefs on other topics such as the nature of the Bible, the character of God, the style of God, and such. And those beliefs are further reinforced by our own insecurities, fears, and desires.

A few thoughts on debating respectfully:
Do I really want to know if I am wrong about something? Would I change friends if my friends were bad for me? Would I join a different denomination? Would I live on the street as a beggar if that was God's will? Is David's prayer really my prayer - do I really want God to search me for ways offensive to him?

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Do I care about others knowing God better because of me, or do I care about being right, and others knowing it? Am I grateful when God uses others to bring about changes in my thinking?
Am I content without a wholehearted defense of my position? Would I rather look stupid than put a stumbling block in my friend's mind by the way I defend my point?
Is a issue worth disagreeing about? Does it either directly or through ramification have a significant impact on either my relationship with God or my friend's relationship with God? Are there other more important issues we could be discussing?


Oh yes, the point to disagreement: Beliefs lead to choices. And choices have consequences. And part of loving others is wanting them to make good choices, which means disagreeing at times. It also means learning when - and how - to disagree.