It's bizarre how little it sometimes takes to get my heart stressed. Yesterday it was the thought around 6p that "maybe you didn't have Labor Day off - maybe you missed work today." And my immediate gut reaction was something akin to the waking up during finals week and realizing that your exam started 15 minutes ago clear across campus. And I spent the rest of the night trying to shake the thought. It's not like I really needed a reminder of how obsessive compulsive I tend to be.
The encouraging thought, though, is that I think people are pretty similar to me. Some of them hide it better - or at least differently - but fundamentally I think we all have many fears that tend to control and drive us. The problem is that we instinctively realize it's not terribly admirable to be driven by fear and so we dress our actions up. It's not that I think all good actions are from bad motives. But I think we're very good at doing good things for the very wrong reasons.
We volunteer because we're afraid of silence and being by ourselves.
We work hard at the job because we're afraid to commit ourselves to our families.
We drink heavily because we're afraid to face the pain.
We study hard because we're afraid to be failures.
How do I interact in people's lives? Do I encourage them that masks are unnecessary? Or do simply add a fear of being vulnerable around me and give them one more reason to wear a mask?
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3 comments:
Your posts are always very serious... and very good (don't get me wrong)...........but.......Allen, my man, tell a joke ;-)
Whew, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has moments like that.
StephK
Kiddo, I enjoy your posts. I pat you on the head for posting with such promptness when asked.
Thank you and good night:)
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