So I've been thinking a lot about churches. I realized that I've been with my current church for eight years. That's a long time. And my church has changed significantly in those years. I've been thinking about some of the changes, and whether or not I would have gotten involved had those changes existed eight years ago. Not that the changes are bad - most of them are great - I'm just not sure if I would have appreciated the current church eight years ago.
I've also been contemplating what I expect from a church - and what I should bring to a church when I choose it. I easily view the church as a monolithic entity which should be responsible for welcoming me, teaching me, entertaining me, befriending me, advising me, bring food when my family has a child, and visiting me when sick, and such. But a church is made up of people who have families, 40-hour a week jobs, credit card debt, mortgage payments, and the like. In short, the church is a lot like me.
How many times a week do I call a friend from church to see how he is doing? If others call as their friends as frequently as I call mine, then I'd get about as many phone calls as I made.
How often do I really sit down and ask how someone is doing?
How often do I ask someone to for advice?
How often do I make a point of welcoming new people? Of remembering their names?
How often do I let myself be inconvenienced by others' needs?
How often do I learn the stories of others?
How often do I sit down and ask someone how I came across - and how I could be more effective in communicating with them?
How often am I wrapped up with my life and my comfortable circle of friends that I simply neglect the very activities that I expect from my church? What does it take for me to feel loved and befriended? Am I consistently giving that to others?
I don't think we all bring the same gifts to the church. But I think it's easy for us to expect more from the church as a whole than we bring to the church. Basic math says that if I'm contributing E effort from the church and everyone in the church followed my model, then we each get out roughly what we put in. Figure some loss due to thermodynamics (e.g. friction), and we get back less than we put in.
(I admit, I don't totally buy the math above. I think we often reap benefit that is not proportional to the energy put in. I have other concerns with that representation. But it gets at a point I've been pondering a lot lately.)
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Nor am I sure if I would have appreciated the current church four years ago. I love it, but it's grown with me, and therefore things (size is the one that stands out to me) that would quite possibly cause me to steer away from choosing it now are things that I don't notice as much.
It was interesting yesterday talking to a friend who's recently started attending services there, and the culture shock that it was for him, which already had me thinking along the lines of your post...
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